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Remember that post where I said when I started working from home I wasn’t going to over work like I did in the past when I worked from home? Well it’s been tougher than I thought.

Yesterday and today marked some of the first days I haven’t had a shoot in the studio on a weekday for quite a bit.  So I had every intention of just checking my emails at my desk at home in the morning, then working out, then showering and then going to the studio. An acceptable 10 hours working day once totaled.

But instead what happened was I sat down in my pjs as soon as I woke up on Monday morning and then didn’t get out of my pjs. Like ever. 15 hours in front of the computer. Ewwwww.

Then I did it again on Tuesday. Upping my game to at least a shower and workout clothes. Sans the workout.

I would like to think I will not let that happen again. I have identified the problem. I bit off a little more than I could chew. Which is true. But I’m going to chalk it up to the fact that I am closing one business (more work than I ever imagined) and opening up a new business (I knew this kind of work, also a ton).

In mulling over being in over my head, it made me want to share with you a recent ‘dare to dream’-esq project in which in over my head was putting it lightly. But the right kind of in over my head that I can deal with on the reg. Let’s just say self confidence when it came to photo or video projects was never something I lacked. My mindset was always to just jump in and then see if I could swim. I never think I’m something super special, but I do think I am always ready for the challenge. Dive in.

Becoming a production company meant starting to toy with creating projects that were bigger than anything we had ever taken on before. I love video, especially music videos, and had done a few simple ones in the past. I love a musician in raw natural light. Up close, shallow depth of field, a gritty look. Straightforward and intimate footage. I feel 100% comfortable shooting that. So when I was given the opportunity to shoot a much bigger project, I gladly took it knowing that growth would be the number one reason. It intimidated me, so bring it on.

The song is by Angie Keilhauer, I’ll be sure to talk much more about her in the future, as I keep mentioning her, and she deserves more than just mentioning. And the lyrics did not call for a simple video. “Caught me going 108 [mph].” Hmmmmm. Sounds tricky.

The final video is almost done and I am excited to launch it in the coming weeks. It still needs one simple re-shoot that we have to wait for Angie to be back in town for. Funny how a 5 second clip can hold you up  that much in this world of storyboarding.

This project stretched me. We had a very fine tuned shot list that had scenes listed for 3 different days with specific times. Every second of this video was pre-planned and then coordinated into an excel doc so we would shoot it at the right time given the light of day, the people/cars/trucks we needed and if Angie’s hair would be up or down. And as always nothing ever really goes according to plan. Thank God I didn’t attempt an outfit change. I’m not ready for that cohesive editing complication yet! We had a 15 page google doc of logistics from to-do lists, packing lists, itineraries, equipment to rent lists, random stuff to buy, items to ask for like generators, flat bed trucks, and the needs went on.

The day of the shoot was the most chaotic and one of the most fun days of my life. Managing a crowd of 50 people, getting on a megaphone to tell trucks and cars where to drive at dangerous speeds, being cameraman and director equals total nonsense. Nonsense I loved and learned from.

Three major things that I took away from this gamble:

1. Don’t wait to take on something that feels impossible. This is the kind of thing I want to be doing. Projects that intimidate me. Yes it was a lot of work, but not only did I learn so much, I also have something I’m really proud to show off. And that I know will only help me take on other bigger projects.

2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. This came together and happened because of my badass friends that knew I was throwing in everything but the kitchen sink to up my game this past year. And my God did they step up and help. They came to production meetings, they drove RVs that I rented and was to frightened to drive on treacherous roads, they drove hours multiples times into the desert. They held things, and ran back for things I forgot. They told me I was doing a good job when they could see stress on my face. They laughed hard at me when ‘Marissa who doesn’t cry’ cried when her wide angle lens (my old faithful of 10 years) broke at the pivotal wide angle fast paced ‘truck-doing-donuts-shot’ shot and I was beyond exhausted. I cried over a lost epic shot. Lol.  An incredible drummer played drums, a shy non-bassist faked playing the bass. Even strangers we don’t know putting in hard work (see the behind the scenes video). An event planner I just met on FB helped me coordinate some off road forum logistics that intimidated me. Professionals came all the way out to second shoot. Why? Because I asked them to.In texts, in forums on Facebook, on phone calls. Kinda mind blowing. People are so good and kind. And it’s completely humbling and inspiring that so many would say yes because they saw someone ask. And I really learned to ask. Something I’m not entirely comfortable with.

3. Here’s my favorite lesson; betting on yourself and your strengths is the only kind of gambling that you should take. It’s thrilling. And in the end even if you lose you feel empowered. 

Here’s our behind the scenes video….

A very special thank you to:

Leah & Chris Depaola
Brandi Pim
Anna Johnson
Chris L Kuwahara-Smith & friends
Brant & Baylee Bolton
Brian MacKenzie
Josh Fisher
Heather Shanahan
El Camino Pete
Bret with the donuting orange truck
Justin with the flatbed and the cool trucks

And all of the incredible people we met on FB that came out and shared their time and vehicles and happy vibes! I can’t tell you how very much you made this such a surreal day.

Much love,
Marissa

Imagination is something I have always thrived off of. I grew up an only child living on 60 acres in beautiful inland countryside of San Diego. I had waterfalls, big mountains, and animals all around me. But not too many other actual kids to play with. On a typical Saturday I think you would find me barefoot climbing a granite boulder and talking to myself. Maybe once I reached the top laying on my back on the warm rock to absorb the last bit of the day’s heat. Staring off over ‘our land’ and feeling like I lived in a movie where the child was odd, but so content.

I think this is the biggest reason my imagination and mind’s eye became such a key part of who I am. The outdoors was my muse when I was younger, inspiring so many dreams about what I would create when I “became an adult.” So as I started to thankfully come into a place where I was ultra inspired again as I mentioned previously, I came to realize it was because I found serious inspiration to use my ‘really out there’ imagination once again.

I have two main muses in my life that make me to want to take their photo every time I am in their presence right now. One, as shocking to me as it might be to you, it was to me as well, is a country singer. And she is beautiful. I think she is the most unique, intriguing and disarming person I’ve known.  And I just love her so much.

I know right!? Who knew I liked country music ! 😉

The other is Leucadia, California. A neighborhood in Encinitas, San Diego. It sits cliffside over Beacon’s and Grandview beach. It’s home to many beach bike cruising friends, artists, musicians, barefoot sandy surfers, yogis, dog lovers, farmers market shoppers, and some of my favorite mom and pop businesses listed below. I’m surrounded by artists who love to create and enjoy this community as much as I do. And it’s done something for me. It’s magic.

Here are some of my favorites, let me know if I forgot one!

Seaweed and Gravel

Surfy Surfy

Coffee Coffee

Beery Beery (also known as Regal Segal)

Fern 

Vixen Boutique

Randoms

French Cafe

Le Papagayo (where everyone knows your name)

Bergamot Yoga

Leucadia Donuts

T.F.R. Gallery

The Farmers Market

Also home to many artists who do epic things like this above …… follow @daniellamanini_art or visit  http://www.daniellamanini.com/

Leucadia’s locally known slogan that is posted up everywhere is “keep Leucadia funky” and I framed my own design and added it to my kitchen last week.  I was trying to  think of how to explain what that means exactly. And as I sit in my home office and look over my neighbors place across the street, I know that they are all about that slogan. An older home nestled in between equally unusual, artsy, million dollar properties. They have an overgrown yard with whimsical flowers and greenery, kinda an English cottage yard meets beach town U.S.A. In the middle of the tall lush green and colors is comfortable patio furniture that they sit at mid day reading in bright sunshine. That makes me aspire to be them even more. They still have Christmas lights and they proudly turn them on every night. And they have some sort of wooden signage that reads, “together let’s change the world.” They keep Leucadia funky. I wanna be like them. And I wanna keep it funky too.

Since this place makes me feel alive and inspires creative freedom, I want to incorporate it into our brand and experience. Shooting on it’s streets, and in it’s local hot spots and better yet on its beaches. I swear everywhere you look this place has an interesting backdrop.

I think that sometimes we think of a muse as a person who emboldens us. And I love that too. But perhaps we can think more outside the box? If we had something that made us feel alive and curious, and then we infused that story and influence into our work and brand… I think it would take us to an entirely new level of art and personal fulfillment.

I’ve felt more inspired than ever lately. And when I looked up the word again it reminded me of that young child I was that felt so very influenced by all the beauty around me on family’s ranch. I also very strongly believe in a creator of this magnificent universe. I’m going to wind up this post with this specific definition that stirred me, since I think I used the word ‘inspired’ like a 100 times in this post.

I meant to have this for you bright and early as a fresh message to kick off the week properly. However, in this insanely busy season of my life, I have to give myself a little grace when things don’t go perfect according to the plan. Or when I get a little stuck in the desert. Literally.

On Saturday morning, what felt like my first non-rushed day in a long time, I sat down to journal. It had been a really long time since I’d done that. I wanted to write out how grateful I was for all the encouragement I had been getting in this new season. So many kind words, and so much interest for our new business. Greece filled up in just two days, so we opened up one more spot! And people are already booking shoots for our soft launch, one gal even flying in for it!

After I wrote a bit I opened up on of my favorite daily reads by Iyanla Vanzant. It was particularly meaningful to me because it seems to go hand-in-hand with what I had just written my journal, and how I was feeling. Like I had struggled and finally pulled myself up to the helm of the ship, and now all I had to do was follow the sky to stay on course. I had had a really intense game plan, and yes it’s been so much work to execute it, but I still feel like some small miracles have happened since the launch. And I believe God really met me halfway with this whole thing. I’m simply feeling very grateful and while I still know that the calendar is jam packed and need to work hard and stay focused. I don’t feel overwhelmed.

I had my season of craziness to get to this point, this point where now I just stay on track, let go and let God do the rest.  This whole experience has been an incredible reminder that I just need to trust.

Yesterday one of my bests, Tenley, and I headed out to the desert to get some images. It wasn’t meant to be a 16 hour day but it became one, and we loved it. We chased the sunshine around the canyon floor, got my 4 Runner legit stuck in the sand, dug a little, and hung out in the moonlight to get the shot that’s at the top of the blog and here at the bottom.

The night was so beautiful, warm winds, howling coyotes, and the feeling that something big was stirring. It’s simply one of the best feelings ever.

Thanks again for stopping by.

-Marissa

This was the scariest part for me. By far. Letting the team know that….

1) our lease was up after 9 years and this time the landlords weren’t going to renew it. Shit.

2) the entire business model and brand was changing after some hippie like ideas I’ve been having.

3) their hours would be going down a bit, but that eventually when we start booking these killer projects the hourly pay itself will go up substantially. So really it should all even out…

and

4) don’t worry, because I know that this is going to be really, really good for us. How do I know? Oh just the completely fool proof fact that I can just totally see it in my mind.

So, you see ladies who depend on me for a paychex every other week, you have absolutely nothing to worry about.

Which was basically my pitch. Plus some very Marissa like visuals and the details of the plan. Spiral bound. Obviously.

What’s true about this situation is that I have been thinking this through, running the numbers, the ideas, the plan over and over in my mind for a long time now. With the help of my bestest business friend, Google Docs, and my second best biz friend Google Spreadsheets. And don’t forget my necessary biz tools since kindergarden; colorful markers and notepads. I think obsessing and fretting is the right way to describe this process actually. As business minded Marissa kinda went out the door here and I turned a bit into overprotective girl scout leader, worried about her troupe. How do we make this a learning and life enhancing experience, and a rallied, fun, team activity? In short, I kinda lost my mind a bit once again.

What’s also true about this situation is that I think my team is superb. 

Lindsey killing it for five years as our production gal. She can seriously edit a photo I shot, and I look at it, and I think it may as well have been processed by me. Trust me that’s rare for a photographer/editor relationship. And just staying on top of all things production, clients always getting what they want on time. Dy-na-mite gal right there.

Ashley, blowing my mind with hair and make-up skills, photography skills, overall styling skills, stay on the ball and get it done skills (read that in a Napolean Dynamite voice if you know it). But most of all, just in straight up freaking gumption. She’s excited to make art, even if it means driving a huge truck and a flatbed trailer to Arizona to pick up an epic spiral staircase for a set we were dreaming of making- which she offered to do and I said ‘thank you’, but ‘no thank you.’ Sounds too dangerous Ash.

Megan, giving her fun loving spirit to our clients and creating some seriously sexy pics in our studio, also just ready to shoot everyday with an incredibly serving heart and infectious positive vibes. Using lights in off beat ways that I never thought to use them and churning out next level images. Laughing it up with our clients constantly. And that girl can sell! To be a fly on the wall in her after-the-shoot-sales-meeting …

Peggy, our insanely talented HMU, who has been with the studio for 8 years!! She helped us craft the whole glamorous look that women wanted our studio for. And she’s seen all the fluctuations of this place, being a support and incredible team member through all of them. Adding so much to the experience for our clients. 

I care about these strong and loving women. I don’t want to stress them out by saying June 1st we are totally hopping off this routine, and always on time, train and getting on a bullet train that’s basically going to the wild wild West. You with me, cuz alllllll aaaaaaaboarrrrrd!!!!

Here is the plus though. It’s going to be EXCITING! We are going to create things that we’ve never dreamed of. We will have to work together even more as a team than ever before. We can be scared together, and for that reason I know we will grow even more creatively as artists, and as a business, than we thought possible. I’m tempted to google a quote about pressure refining wonky stuff and then making diamonds or something, but I like to think I am above googling quotes for my original blog. Or maybe I’ll do it and edit this in ten minutes. You won’t know.

I want to be a good leader. And I know I’ve fallen short more in the past few years than ever before. As I am coming into this new chapter of not being so damn hard on myself I will say this, I care. I sincerely care. And that’s what matter most I think.

And also I tell you all about this fretting, because the thing is I am not fretting at all anymore. The goal, the vision, it might as well be here. Because it is. And that doesn’t mean it won’t be hard and that random things that throw me won’t happen, as I assure you they will. It means that I have done the time to figure my shit out, and I feel damn good about me and my purpose. The best I’ve ever felt yet as an artist and creative and biz owner. So I lay all this reality out to say that it’s a process. Shaking in your boots is part of it. Not wanting to get out of bed because you are so overwhelmed is part of it. Arriving and feeling pretty damn unshakable in your vision is best the part of it.

In the words of Steven Tyler “dream on” (read that in a screaming voice),

Marissa. And I leave you with this gem.

PSS. Lindsey will be part time for me indefinitely in June, unless we have big projects under out belt, then I hope she will be around more. So if you need an outrageously good editor to take some of the load off for you so you can spend time doing what matters, she is your girl. Enter your info here and after all this chaos of the changes she will contact you with her rates.

Let’s talk about the new location. More than anything I keep dreaming of what the geo tag for the new spot should be.

Marissa Inc. A Production Company- Headquarters of all things creative and nerdy and cool and stylish.

Too much huh?

Whatever it is, it’s going to be cheesy. See I don’t mean to be dramatic. But man it feels SO good to be THIS excited about something in A LONG TIME. Except for that one time a girl stood up on stage a sang me a love song on NBC. But that’s a post that’s scheduled for a bit from now. I mean we still need to get to know each other a little better.

So I’ve been scouting for the perfect new location for myself and for the reinvented studio. As you know it has to be in Leucadia to match my new boho beachy lifestyle that I always dreamed of having and I’m still piecing together. If you follow me on instagram you’ll know that I’m obsessed with all things Leaucadia: Grandview, Beacon’s Beach, Coffee Coffee, Surfy Surfy, Le Papagayo (where everybody knows your name), my dolphin and whale friends who are always out swimming. And even more magical, that little seal who chilled with me while I was reading that one day.

When thinking of our new brand, I asked myself, what am I crazy about. And it was all that.

But first, I want to tell you more backstory about why this is such a big deal to me. In 2007- 2013 we had 6500 sq feet of awesome boudoir territory. We joked that it was the biggest boudoir studio in the world! And back then it probably was. Toward the end of 2013 our lease was up. The new building owners wanted to increase our rent an insane amount. We were actually inhabiting two large suites and we chose to move completely to the smaller suite (it had the better natural light) but it meant having use all of our cash flow and some loans – as we had to completely remodel. Not to mention losing income while we moved and set up the new space. Pretty intense.

In the same months that we were wrapping us construction and moving into our new suite, my ex Weston and I took our separation a step further and I officially moved out. I left my little dreamy beach house in Encinitas to move into a bit of a rundown home with roommates. Don’t get me wrong, it was exactly what I needed at that time. But I was in a little bedroom. Feeling a bit like a child, living with five other adults I just met (one of them a kismet coincidence, Stephanie Dandan, who has been an incredible photography and wanderlust inspiration to me since). I thought this to be entirely temporary. That’s why I chose it. It wasn’t.

photo by Stephanie Dandan

I joked that it was my hippie commune. It was there that I learned minimalism. Letting go of my huge closet of “diva-esq” clothes, bringing only my essential possessions into my 10×11 bedroom. My lease on my luxurious and hip, vehicle was up- so my parents let me borrow the 1997 Toyota mini purple pick-up truck I drove in high school. It was meant to be as a few week loaner until I bought my typical fancy-ish car, but I ended up driving it for a couple years. It just felt right.

I wanted to brush away every ounce of comfort and see who I was when I was stripped down. Nothing fancy to hide behind, just me.

In this eco-conscious home I learned how to go about a daily life where paper towels were forbidden, when composting everything was a tenant requirement, television quietly frowned upon, and I learned if I was feeling lonely, all I needed to do was make a fire in the pit outside and one of my odd roommates would come out and talk to me. Or offer me pot. I was there over a year.

So you can see why my next place felt like such a step up. I was finally allowing myself to grow, to accept that I needed to build a new life, but I wanted to stay a minimalist. Articulating it is hard, but I felt as though I had lost grip on everything I built. Weston and I had officially lost each other. That’s something I think that is too painful to really write about about however I will say this about it.  It was an amicable mutual decision made on an eerily quiet, sunny day under our favorite tree. Neither of us was at fault in any way. We made the decision together, from a place of love, only truly wanting better for each other.  

But only those other divorcees out there will comprehend the gravity of the pain that unexpectedly sneaks up on you and throws you into a vortex of crippling loss. Of pulling apart from something that’s so much a part of you. It was physically painful. My insides were so wound up tightly up in who we were together for 15 years, that pulling them apart felt like an out of control unraveling. It was like I was a ball of tightly wound yarn, all put together and assembled safe and neat, and then everything in me started to unwind at a speed so fast it made me dizzy. I couldn’t grab back on and stop it if I wanted to. No one prepared me for that.

I have to give completely unsolicited advice; if you are considering divorce, don’t do it. I don’t care what has transpired between you two. Whatever they did. Or whatever you did. Weston and I have many reason reasons to justify our divorce but this is the reality: divorce is not an easier solution to staying together and working it out. If you think staying is too painful, then you simply don’t know divorce. Please do the work and put in the time. Stay. Always stay so long as there isn’t danger. I say that not because I don’t still believe we made the right decision but because I sincerely don’t know how I survived that.

Sorry for the momentary tailspin. I don’t talk often about it, in fact I’ve never really talked about it on social media, and I have moved on and am completely in love with the most incredible person (more on that in the future, I can’t wait to share honestly) but it just needed to be said. Mainly because some of my friends who are married and at a crossroads ask me, I get the question often and I have to be honest. Divorce is like crossing a dry, dry desert and there is a greater chance your heart and mind won’t survive it than that it will.

Back to the minimalism….

So I felt I had been depleted of everything that felt lux and normal in my life (first world problems am I right?). So many things that made me feel secure. I was afraid to build them up again. What if I had to deal with losing everything all over again? Back in that chapter of my life a couple years ago I simply couldn’t deal with the risk of that.

I chose the safe approach. If you don’t have anything, you won’t live your days in fear of losing it. So I moved into my 500 sq ft two story tiny house. If felt temporary, safe, and close to my biggest comforter, the sea. Just a block away. Where at night I could hear the ocean if I leave my bedroom slider open. And it’s the ocean that has always reminded me how small I am in comparison to how big and powerful God is. Not an insignificant small, more like it makes my worries seem a bit trite compared to how expansive and diverse this world is. It makes me feel a little like an ant in a hugely overwhelming heap of intricate tunnels and chaos. My mistakes feel less significant, and I feel a little silly for ever feeling like the weight of my little world was all on my shoulders. 

I have been here now for a year and a half. And now I’m far less scared. I am happy here and my heart has been healed a little more. Partly by understanding how to be alone in this big world. And also from meeting the most beautiful soul, who aims to love me more than I deserve. Who somehow saw who I really was through that fog I had been living in. So many beautiful pieces coming together to finally help me let go and not be afraid of building again. Creating a new vision for my life again. And so now we move on…..

Here’s our headquarters of all things us, our Production House, under construction. I’ll probably find a new name for it soon enough. Help me out with fun geo tag ideas please.

Since this new business is going to be very personal and we will be spending even more time with our clients and getting to know them on a whole new level, I want to work and live in the same space. This is for a couple of reasons, I have done this before, and I moved into a studio space as I once loved having my home and work separated mainly because I loved working constantly, so I needed to set up that boundary for myself where I could be truly off the clock. I don’t love working 24/7 anymore. I have a fulfilling  personal life and I live somewhere where I can step outside and be in one of the most unique, and spiritual communities. Rich in surf culture, friendly people and craft coffee. Also, I want us to be in Leucadia (while hippie-ish, it is still expensive) and I want to minimize my expenses. And we will be doing just as much shooting outdoors as in the space, probably more. We will only be doing 1 or 2 in-house shoots a week, the rest will be on location. So it all works perfectly. I will be moving in late Feb to secure this incredible new gem that I am in LOVE with. And then come May we will start our new transition- because we lost our lease on our current space anyway (did I mention that yet? yea I think I did). So all of our boudoir shoots at our current big studio need to be booked and completed by the end of April. April 30th to be exact. As technically this is an entirely new business.

Goodbye Boucher Inc, you’ve been oh-so-lovely, and hello Marissa Inc. I am more excited to meet you than you know.

Thanks for reading my words friends. And also I got some emails saying you couldn’t comment. So my cool web guru Kyle fixed that. I’d love if you told me about YOU.

-Marissa

We are becoming a Production Company. Where imagination and freedom will reign. It will serve as an umbrella brand, allowing for all different types of projects that set our hearts on fire.

A production company or a production house provides the physical basis for works in the realms of the performing arts, new media art, film, television, radio, and video.This website and blogs header had already given that way. But the site is basic right now, and we are looking forward to the many projects we have planned to start filling it up with all the imagery that we are currently storing in mind’s eye that will make up the portfolio of our Production company.

We wanted a brand that could serve as an umbrella to all our art. And one that also allows us to continue as we always have with a killer “The Boudoir Divas” experience.

Please don’t get me wrong. I love the current studio. When I am photographing clients I feel like everything in me is in alignment. Just like every woman that hopes to minimize the critical voices in their head, and bring forward the positive ones. I thrive on being able to bring forth a woman’s courage to silence those harmful insecurities and bring her into a moment of acceptance and self love. I get to be a key part of that for women. And I have a blast doing it. Those moments are what I live for.

But I have been a fast-paced, high volume business owner with a fairly large staff for eleven years. I’m only 34! That puts a lot of financial stress on one person. And for years now there has been one and only one solution with all the raising prices in California. It’s time to majorly increase our prices. But I fought it and fought it. I wanted every woman to have access to this incredible opportunity.  It’s most of the reason we chose the high volume approach. It created a do-able pricing for the majority.

But reality check. California is expensive. And as a biz owner,  like whoa expensive. Especially with more mandatory changes in 2016 from the federal government that increased expenses making raising prices no longer an option.

In September, my vision came, then I started to execute it. As I began to plan I also discovered our landlord would not be renewing our lease for our current studio. We had to move on whether we wanted to or not.

I will forever miss the big ol’ studio we’ve been in since 2007. Having 1-3 clients into the studio every day. But what’s ahead warms my heart so much.

Here’s a throwback video to one of our really old studio tours circa 2011

One of my upcoming posts will talk about what our new boudoir division will be like. What our looks and inspiration will be. And what their experience will be like. It’s so different and so thrilling. With the core of why we are doing it always remaining the same; we want women to see themselves in new light, to see their beauty and put to rest insecurities.

Also, I launched my new Facebook Page today! I would be honored if you went and liked it pretty please.

And my current site is still a work in progress. So much to do! While still shooting almost everyday, managing the studio and planning for this new huge brand change, things are very busy! I have tons of amazing teammates in this, I’ll talk about that in future posts, but it’s definitely the most overwhelmed I’ve ever been that’s for sure. 

Thanks for joining me on this wild ride!

-Marissa